GOP OED

 

In our November issue, John Powers compiled a glossary of terms conservatives use in ways that don’t match standard dictionary definitions (“The Right Word”). Reader Riley Simpson wrote, “I think this glossary should become a website (perhaps Wackipedia) that could be added to and edited by whoever has a new observation of ConSpeak to offer up.” He may be onto something, because an appeal to readers to help expand the list garnered a huge response. Here are some of the suggested additions. You can contribute yours at BelowtheBattle@gmail.com.

AMERICAN DREAM: A fantasyland in which the unprivileged are entitled to a home, education, and health care. —Beverly Weiss

ASSOCIATE: An aide or friend of a Republican president or high official. —Leonard Boasberg

COMMON SENSE: What I think (but don’t want to describe right now because if you knew what it was, you might actually not agree with me) regardless of any basis in rational thought or facts. The amazing thing about calling out for “commonsense solutions” is that the listener/reader/viewer usually thinks the speaker is thinking about some view that they also hold. —Riley Simpson

CRONY: An aide or friend of a Democratic president or high official. —LB

DEMAGOGUERY: Something liberals do for the sole purpose of getting re-elected so that they can foster total de-pendence (see nanny state) and thus usher in a period of Soviet-style dictatorship. Also involves hating America and trashing the Constitution. —Geoff Herring

FAMILY VALUES: A hierarchical system based on patriarchy and property. —BW

FREE SPEECH: Money. —Jack Gamboa

FRIENDLY FIRE: My definition of friendly fire is a campfire on a cool evening, but I’m a liberal. —Fred Charbonneau

HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA: The atheist belief that gays are entitled to equal rights. —LB

1JOB CREATOR: Those top-tier income-earners without whose benevolence we would all be unemployed. Even the thought of increasing taxes on these folks—the “backbone of the economy”—is to doom our way of life, ruin our economy, and make one a communist. Statistical evidence to the contrary is to be strictly ignored or discredited as propaganda perpetrated by the “liberal media.” —GH

2JOB CREATOR: A corporation that creates jobs abroad while eliminating jobs at home. —LB

LIBERAL: A person who favors reckless spendthrift programs. (See also, “soft” On Crime, Shameless Personal Behavior, Giveaways to the Undeserving Poor, and Godlessness.) —LB

MODERNIZING: Getting rid of laws that frustrate hedge-fund managers.—Pat Black

NATIONAL SECURITY: Cheap oil secured through unlimited expenditure on armed procurement. —BW

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY: A manly rejection of risk-pooling strategies such as single-payer health care. Personally responsible people accept 100 percent of the risk themselves, thereby maximizing personal freedom and ensuring that Ayn Rand keeps grinning in her grave. —James R. Conner

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: The attack by liberals on anyone espousing traditional American ideas and ideals. The term cannot be applied to any conservative position or person. Political correctness, therefore, is so powerful that conservatives are never in a majority position and are by definition always politically incorrect, a situation that always means they are right--minded and morally superior. An example of political incorrectness that clearly hurt a career was the Bible-verse citations under Tim Tebow’s eyes during his time at the University of Florida, which prevented him from being the instant starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos. —Michael Woodruff

Skin in the Game: The Common Sense notion that if you’re too poor to pay in-come taxes, you have no right to complain about how tax dollars are spent (see Support Our Troops). —GH

States’ Rights: The right to hold slaves but not the right to count all votes in an election. —JG

STREAMLINING: Getting rid of antiquated ways of applying to blow the tops off mountains. —PB

Support Our Troops: Mostly involves making speeches, waving flags, and doing a brisk business with arms dealers and defense contractors, since defending our nation is government’s most sacred (and only legitimate) responsibility. Worth every penny of the billions of tax dollars. —GH

TALENT: What we’ll lose a lot of if we stop giving huge bonuses to Wall Street guys. —PB

9-9-9: Another clever way to shift the tax burden to middle- and lower-income people via a federal sales tax. —Homer Bruno

 

Comments

'Corporation': Human only with more rights.

Class warfare - the annoying liberal assumption that billionaires should pay taxes.

the American people- the 1% who finance my campaign, as in: "The American people have spoken out very loudly against raising taxes on the wealthy".

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