Tuesday, as their party sold its constituents down the river on the John Ashcroft nomination, Democratic Senators Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton publicly recited the Edgar Allen Poe poem "The Raven" to their counterparts from Maryland. The New York senators had lost a bet over the Superbowl -- in which the New York Giants lost to the Baltimore Ravens. At least the Baltimore Ravens know what good defense is. In the spirit of bipartisanship, we at The Electronic Policy Network offer our version:
by Edgar Allen Woe
Once upon a season dreary, while we pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of Florida electoral lore --
While they counted, nearly drooling, suddenly there came a ruling.
As of Scalia sternly schooling, "No time to recount before the Yuling."
"Quit your fooling," we muttered, "This must be some kind of partisan dueling --
Only this and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly we remember it was in the bleak December
As equal protection was dismembered, and applied as never before
Eagerly we wished the morrow -- vainly we had sought to borrow
From the Court surcease of sorrow -- sorrow for the lost Al Gore
The doomed and dented candidate whom the pundits called The Bore --
Nameless here for evermore.
Amid the soggy sad uncertain rising of the Bush dynastic curtain,
W. teased us -- tried to please us with depths of compassion never heard before;
So that, as we took the beating, there we stood, oft repeating
"So he brings Jesus to the inaugural floor --
And throws abortion rights out the door,
That is it and nothing more."
Presently our stomachs got weaker, watching our craven leaders grow meeker,
"Mr. Ashcroft," said they, "Truly your record we will ignore.
As the truth is we were napping, and so exquisite was your rapping
Let Ronnie White do his yapping, we'll betray the party core!
We may write long protest speeches -- but the job is yours, we can assure,"
Darkness here and nothing more!
Deep into that darkness peering, long we stand here wondering, fearing,
What deals were made behind Feingold's door?
Though his filibuster would not be spoken, only Ted appeared unbroken,
Asking on the Senate floor, "Is anything worth fighting for?"
Quoth the Craven, "Nevermore."