Which Mitt Is Your Mitt?

Herman Cain isn't the only candidate who dropped out this fall. Dozens of Mitt Romney doppelgangers who've outlived their usefulness have, too. Some of the Romneys haven't even dared to show their faces again—pro-choice, pro-health-care Romney, for instance, hasn't dared go out in public this primary season.  We've compiled a list of many of the different Romneys that have popped up over the years below in the hope that it will help voters, not in a quest to find the real Romney—we doubt his existence—but to help you discover which one you could vote for. E-mail me at jfuller@prospect.org if you think of any other Romneys, and I'll update the list as the election goes on.

Click on the arrows to go to the next Romney.

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East Coast Moderate Republican Romney

This presidential candidate is running on nostalgia (not to be confused with Reagan Romney or Son of my dad, George Romney). This Romney harkens back to a time when Republicans could be moderate and still get elected. Polling shows that East Coast Moderate Republican Romney would do well in a general election, but he has a one-in-a-million chance of winning the GOP primary because his pragmatic platform is out of touch with the base of the party. As such, East Coast Moderate Republican Romney didn't even enter the 2012 primary, letting his less lovable brethren take the spotlight.

Defining quotes:

  • On carbon-dioxide emissions in December 2005: “Massachusetts continues to be committed to improving air quality for all our citizens. These carbon-emission limits will provide real and immediate progress in the battle to improve our environment,” Romney said. “They help us accomplish our environmental goals while protecting jobs and the economy.” Massachusetts is the first and only state to set carbon-dioxide-emissions limits on power plants. The limits, which target the six largest and oldest power plants in the state, are the toughest in the nation and are designed to lower emissions of nitrogen oxides, sulfur dioxide, and mercury from power-plant smokestacks.
  • On capital gains tax in January 1996: “It’s a tax cut for fat cats!”
  • On “don’t ask, don’t tell” in 1994: In favor of “gays and lesbians being able to serve openly and honestly” in the military.

Demographic trying to woo: Independents, Moderate Republicans, David Frum

Last book he read: Something William F. Buckley wrote.

 

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Feminist Romney

Being pro-choice in the Republican Party is history and so is Feminist Romney.

Defining quotes:

  • 1994 Senatorial debate: "I believe that abortion should be safe and legal in this country. I have since the time when my Mom took that position when she ran in 1970 as a U.S. Senate candidate. I believe that since Roe v. Wade has been the law for 20 years that we should sustain and support it, and I sustain and support that law and the right of a woman to make that choice."
  • 2002 GOP acceptance speech: "I respect and will fully protect a woman's right to choose. That choice is a deeply personal one, and the women of our state should make it based on their beliefs, not mine and not the government's."

Demographic trying to woo: Women who didn't vote for the Personhood Amendment

Last book he read: That new Tina Fey book.

 

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Granoly Romney

Granoly Romney isn’t about to plant vegetables and live off the grid, but he did acknowledge that climate change exists and that carbon emissions must be curbed. Granoly Romney took a far braver (and more scientific) position than that of Beyond Petroleum Romney, who said in October 2011: "My view is that we don't know what's causing climate change on this planet. And the idea of spending trillions and trillions of dollars to try to reduce CO2 emissions is not the right course for us."

Defining quotes:

  • December 2005: “Massachusetts continues to be committed to improving air quality for all our citizens. These carbon emission limits will provide real and immediate progress in the battle to improve our environment,” Romney said. “They help us accomplish our environmental goals while protecting jobs and the economy.” Massachusetts is the first and only state to set carbon-dioxide-emissions limits on power plants. The limits, which target the six largest and oldest power plants in the state, are the toughest in the nation and are designed to lower emissions of nitrogen oxides, sulfur dioxide, and mercury from power plant smokestacks.
  • Early 2011: "I believe based on what I read that the world is getting warmer. And, No. 2, I believe that humans contribute to that. I don't know how much. … And so I think it's important to us to reduce our emissions of pollutants and greenhouse gases."

Demographic trying to woo: Intedependents, Environmentalists

Last book he read: Decision Points

 

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Keynesian Romney

In times of crisis, Keynesian Romney agrees that economic stimulus is a smart and necessary step to recovery. He often gets into fights with Crazy Like Ron Paul Romney, who said in a town hall in September 2011: “I have never supported the President's Recovery Act. ... No time, no where, no how have I supported the president's stimulus.” 

Defining quotes:

  • January 2009: “I think there is need for economic stimulus. Americans have lost about $11 trillion in net worth … and government can help make that up in a very difficult time.” 

Demographic trying to woo: similar base to East Coast Moderate Republican Romney and Granoly Romney

Last book he read: Decision Points

 

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Human Romney

As life-like as a GOP presidential candidate can possibly be.

Defining quotes

Demographic trying to woo: Roomba, Siri 

Last book he read: I, Robot

 

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Reagan Romney

Reagan Romney was most prominent this election cycle during debates and other public forums where he competed with his opponents over who could name-check the conservative saint most frequently. Reagan Romney dropped out of the race after being bested by Michele Bachmann. Prior to Reagan Romney's appearance on the campaign trail in 1994, East Coast Romney said, “I was an Independent during the time of Reagan/Bush. I'm not trying to return to Reagan/Bush.”

Defining quotes:

Demographic most appeals to: People who still watch The Breakfast Club and listen to Foreigner. People who miss the Cold War. The Republican elite. 

Last book he read: Decision Points!

 

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Rambo Romney

Rambo Romney loves maiming small animals and eating venison. Rambo Romney looks down on Rick Perry and East Coast Liberal Republican Romney, who said, “Any description of my being a hunter is an overstatement of capability."

Defining quotes:

Demographic trying to woo: members of the NRA, disciples of the second amendment.

Last book he read: Decision Points

 

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Nurse Romney

Nurse Romney realizes how important affordable health care is for all citizens and created comprehensive health care that became a model for the recently passed national health-care legislation.

Defining quotes:

  • February 2, 2007: “I’m proud of what we’ve done,” he said. “If Massachusetts succeeds in implementing it, then that will be a model for the nation.

Demographic trying to woo:  People who get sick

Last book he read: Decision Points

 

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Post-Obamacapocalypse Nurse Romney

Nurse Romney realizes how important affordable health care is for Massachusetts. Nurse Romney is for whatever else other states want right now for health care, and if you elect him, you’ll get it! Unless you don’t want it. 

Defining quotes:

  • March 22, 2011: “As I have stated time and again, a one-size-fits-all national plan that raises taxes is simply not the answer. Under our federalist system, the states are “laboratories of democracy.” They should be free to experiment. By the way, what works in one state may not be the answer for another. Of course, the ultimate goal is to repeal Obamacare and replace it with free-market reforms that promote competition and lower health-care costs. But since an outright repeal would take time, an executive order is the first step in returning power to the states.”

Demographic trying to woo:  People who hate Obama, people who get sick

Last book he read: Decision Points

 

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Crazier than Ron Paul Mitt Romney

This fall, the candidates who have made the most conservative and off-the-wall statements have received the most support, and those who show any compassion or pragmatism have been booed. Crazier than Ron Paul Mitt Romney is the antidote to that problem. He began appearing in the national circuit in 2007 but has gained more prominence this election cycle. However, voters find Crazier than Ron Paul Mitt Romney even more disingenous than the other Romneys, especially in contrast to another Romney who said in February 2007, “I'm not the most conservative candidate on every issue, but I am what I am and on many issues I have conservative views.”

Defining quotes:

  • March 2007: “Relative to the leading candidates, some people see me as being more conservative.”

Demographic trying to woo:  Tea Party, voters who will decide the 2012 GOP primary

Last book he read: Decision Points

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