Tony Hendra

Tony Hendra is an author, actor and author of Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul.

Recent Articles

The Cheney Files

THE PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF HOUSTON Thanks to an unidentified source in the office of Justice Scalia, Tony Hendra has acquired a copy of the confidential 2001 energy report which Vice President Dick Cheney was at such pains to conceal and the Court so obligingly let him continue to conceal. Some highlights: FINAL REPORT OF THE CHENEY ENERGY TASK-FORCE May 2001 NATIONAL ENERGY GOALS 2001-2020 SUPER TOP SECRET! WHITE HOUSE EYES ONLY! Conferees: RUPERT MURDOCH, ARNOLD SCHWARTZENEGGER, KENNETH LAY, DENNIS KOZLOWSKI, JIM BAKER, JIM (aka JAMAL) BIN LADEN, PRINCE BANDAR, CONRAD BLACK, RICHARD PERLE, PAUL WOLFOWITZ, DOUGLAS FEITH, OTTO JUAN REICH, AHMED CHALABI, JUSTICES SCALIA AND THOMAS, MARTHA STEWART, ROGER AILES, HAILEY BARBOUR AND THE FORTY THIEVES. ALSO PRESENT: LYNNE CHENEY, PRESIDENT OF ‘ ACQUAINTANCES OF THE EARTH '; LAURA BUSH, SECRETARY-GENERAL OF THE ‘ IT ISN'T EASY BEING GREEN PARTY ', ANNE COULTER, CHAIRPERSON, THE FORD SIERRA CLUB PREAMBLE FROM PRESIDENT BUSH-CHENEY: My...

The Monica Pages

Bill Clinton's $10 million autobiography, My Life , comes out this month. While the book will cover the accomplishments of the best president we've had since the last Bush disaster dragged us into recession and war, 99 percent of its readers will buy it for the three pages devoted to Monica Lewinsky. To save you plowing through acres of nostalgic wonkery (and $21), here they are: "Come in Ms Lewinsky," I said. It was a bright morning in the fall of 1995. I had no idea that this would be a moment that would change my life, my presidency, my whole way of thinking about women and what they can contribute to public life. She was a foursquare young person with what we used to call, in my native Arkansas, ‘big hair.' If there were a ‘type' of woman to whom I was attracted other than my beloved wife and life partner Hillary Rodham Clinton, which there isn't, I would be compelled to say she was not by any stretch of the imagination, however you might define that term, my type. The first thing...

Kerry Konfusion

A couple of weeks back, I got this e-mail from John Kerry: “Dear Tony, Last night on 60 Minutes , Bob Woodward said Saudi Arabian Prince Bandar [bin Sultan] pledged to … lower gas prices before the 2004 election. This pledge has cost U.S. consumers literally billions of dollars in higher gas prices.” -- John Kerry Huh? Higher? Lower? Now? Later? This is how JFK II communicates? I think I know what he means, but is this any way to save the republic from the Republicans? Then, a few days ago, another e-mail introduced me to Kerry's younger brother, Cameron, except he was identified as “Cam.” Now Cam is not a great keyword on the Web -- when I Googled it, the helpful suggestion for further info was “thousands of live adult webcams.” There's a maladroit quality to the Kerry campaign. I'm nervous that in coming weeks I'll be seeing other equally lucid e-mails: “Dear Tony, George W. Bush has said we must stay the course in Iraq and that it will be at least a year before we can bring the...

'Bell Curve' -- Levant Version

Satire by Tony Hendra. From an unexpected quarter comes some rare good news for embattled U.S. military commanders trying to contain the widening prison-abuse scandals in Iraq. The conservative San Diego-based scientific review No Junk Science published an article today by a team of researchers from the Adolf Coors Center for Studying Arabs at Pepperdine and the Charles Murray Institute of Eugenics at West Texas Christian University. The study presents "overwhelming evidence" that Arabs are not, by any prevailing scientific standard, human. The idea that there is something uniquely "different" about Arabs has been roiling conservative think-tanks and intellectual circles for some years. An internal paper circulated at the American Enterprise Institute in 1997 posed the question bluntly: Is it prejudice that leads so many people with long experience and intimate knowledge of the Arab world -- Americans, British, French, and Israelis -- to think of Arabs as animals? Or simply that they...

The Last Word

Hollywood's latest counterpunch to the impact of Mel Gibson's sects-and-violence blockbuster, The Passion of the Christ , is the re-release of Monty Python's masterpiece, The Life of Brian . Henry Jaglom, who is handling Brian 's Second Coming, says, "For [those] who are ... repelled by Gibson's violent, bigoted polemic, we offer a much needed dose of humor as an antidote ... ." Well, OK. Except that The Life of Brian is more than a lighthearted time-out from the volcanic emotions stirred up by The Passion . It satirizes the dark and dangerous reasons why works like The Passion get made. The Life of Brian takes the only approach possible to such explosive material: oblique, referential, and, above all, well-informed. Brian is based on solid biblical scholarship. The Passion isn't. Gibson has admitted as much, claiming that it's based solely on the New Testament as interpreted by his guiding light, the Holy Spirit. (A common cop-out of film directors -- blame the screenwriter.)...

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