Andy Borowitz at The Daily Beast:

At a press conference in Washington today, President-elect Barack Obama repeatedly refused to answer questions about the size of his package, calling the subject “a personal matter.”

Again and again, reporters attempted to get Mr. Obama to tell them exactly how big his package was, but the president-elect was steadfast in his refusal to quantify it.

“If I tell you the size of my package, some of you will think that it sounds too small, “ he said. “And others will be uncomfortable with how big it is.”

The president-elect seemed to indicate, however, that the size of his package may vary according to the circumstances.

“Depending on what is going on, my package could grow significantly larger,” he said. “It all comes down to the amount of stimulus.”

—Dana Goldstein

Dana Goldstein, a former associate editor and writer at the Prospect, comes from a family of public-school educators. She received the Spencer Fellowship in Education Journalism, a Schwarz Fellowship at the New America Foundation, and a Puffin Foundation Writing Fellowship at the Nation Institute. Her journalism is regularly featured in Slate, The Atlantic, The Nation, The Daily Beast, and other publications, and she is a staff writer at the Marshall Project.