Zerg invasion: As the economy sputters to a recovery in 2012, Barack Obama is starting to look as unbeatable as Ronald Reagan in 1984. Sarah Palin easily wins the Republican Primary, as most of the other front-runners decide to take their chances in 2016. It looks like folly, but suddenly, the world is devastated by a Zerg invasion–casualties are in the billions. While our weak, socialist president looks on helplessly, Palin rallies the freedom loving militiamen of the Alaskan Freedom Party for a last ditch effort that involves recalibrating a device that produces a high pitched sonic frequency into a psi emitter. The ravaging Zerg suddenly become inanimate, the country is saved, Hydralisk intestines become a rare delicacy and Palin cruises to the White House.
A Sinister Corporate Alliance: In the aftermath of the Citizens’ United Ruling, both Lexcorp and Wayne Industries pour billions of funds into ads attacking Obama and supporting Palin. While Lex Luthor and Bruce Wayne have found themselves at odds before, they’re now both convinced that Keynesian stimulus is a failure and only austerity and tax cuts can save America. While the Gotham Gazette and the Daily Planet publish editorials railing against unrestrained, secret corporate spending, the pleas of Wayne’s liberal reporter friends, Clark Kent and Vicki Vale, fall on deaf ears. The Obama campaign succumbs to an unstoppable onslaught corporate sponsored ads, and Palin wins the presidency in a walk.
Zombie Apocalypse: Three months before Election Day, a terrifying virus emerges that seems to turn human beings into living corpses. Fortunately, President Obama evacuates the White House before Washington DC becomes nothing more than a feeding ground for the undead. Alongside Robert Gates and Hillary Clinton, he coordinates a global emergency response to the zombie menace that turns the tide in a matter of weeks. The only problem is, while a cure has been found and the remaining undead have been destroyed or quarantined, America’s urban centers have been devastated. Red America is all that’s left. While the country is grateful for the president’s decisive action during the Zombie Crisis, the economy is in tatters, and a high unemployment rate pave the zombie corpse littered road to a Palin victory.
Sure, these scenarios all involve fictional characters, but in that sense they’re only slightly less likely to happen than John Heilmann‘s vision of Mike Bloomberg helping Sarah Palin get elected by throwing the election to the House of Representatives. If Palin runs and wins, she’ll win for the same reason any other Republican will–because the economy is still slow and unemployment has remained stagnant–although of the 2012 GOP candidates, she’s the least likely to be able to take advantage if that’s the case.
In fairness, Heilmann’s piece is a well reported survey of the political dynamics of the 2012 Republican field. It’s just so obviously and deliberately wrapped in the dripping bacon of an implausible final scenario meant to drive frantic clicks from panicked liberals and Palin obsessed political junkies.
