During the health-care debate, progressives got to know, and intensely dislike, Sen. Ben Nelson of Nebraska. Doing his best to move from object of scorn to object of mockery, yesterday he offered up a gem to rival Ted Stevens' immortal declaration that "the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes." Behold:
The Nebraska Democrat pleaded ignorance when asked this week whether Congress should cap ATM fees. Nelson said that while he's no fan of unnecessary fees, he's unfamiliar with the charges.
"I've never used an ATM, so I don't know what the fees are,” Nelson said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. “It's true, I don't know how to use one.
"But I could learn how to do it just like I've. ... I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms."
By "holograms,” Nelson clarified that he meant the bar codes on products read by automatic scanners in the checkout lanes at stores such as Lowe's and Menard's.
Other stores have them too! Like Old Doc Redfern's Apothecary and the Dipsy-Doo Saloon.
With some gentle nudging, we should be able to move "I know about the holograms" into the American vernacular, as a way of saying that you are, indeed, up to the minute with technological and cultural developments. Here are some examples for how you can use it in your daily life:
"Sure I've heard Sleigh Bells -- I know about the holograms."
"Just because my computer is still running XP doesn't mean I don't know about the holograms -- I'm just waiting for the price of the i7 machines to come down."
"Trust me, Dad, when people see you in those jeans, they're gonna say, 'That dude knows about the holograms.'"
"My mother is still using AOL -- we really need to hip her to the holograms."
-- Paul Waldman
