Andrew Sullivan on Ross Douthat's column today:
Ross' core argument is that "lifelong heterosexual monogamy at its best can offer something distinctive and remarkable — a microcosm of civilization, and an organic connection between human generations — that makes it worthy of distinctive recognition and support." I'm going to repeat what I have said before: I don't disagree with this at all. I remain in awe of the heterosexual life-long coupling that produces new human life. There is a miraculous, sacred, awe-inspiring aspect to it. I understand why this is a Sacrament, and have no interest in being included in such a Sacrament since it is premised on the very Thomist arguments Ross puts forward.
I can't speak to the Catholic view of marriage, but I will say this: My parents met in the 1950s when they were teenagers in a small town in upstate New York. They married in their early 20s, and went on to raise two kids. In many ways they are the embodiment of Douthat's religiously inspired ideal of heterosexual marriage. Except that for about the first five years or so of their relationship, it would have been illegal in many parts of this country for them to get married, because my father is white and my mother is black. My parents' relationship was startlingly apolitical given the era -- they told me they weren't even aware of Loving v. Virginia at the time despite being married only two years later.
I don't know what it's like to be gay and not be able to marry one's partner, but knowing that my parents, who are more in love with each other than any two people I've ever known, could have been legally prevented from getting married within their lifetime because they are not the same race has always framed the issue of marriage equality for me. It's heartbreaking for me to think of my parents not being able to be married for no other reason than because of entrenched cultural taboos against miscegenation, because their kind of love is so rare that denying it implicates the state in an indefensible act of cruelty. Reducing marriage to a matter of procreation seems ridiculous to me because I don't consider myself or my brother the most meaningful product of my parents' marriage; it's the fact that more than 40 years into it, my mother and father are still each other's best friend. I'm not in awe of me, I'm in awe of that.
I can't help but reflect on my own parents when I think about how many people are denied that experience simply because they happen to share the same gender. It's hard for me to understand how anyone could see that as any kind of justice.
