Tootle, the Ex-Gay Train

In Slate, Jessica Roake tells us that beloved children's book/television/licensed product line Thomas the Tank Engine actually tells a nightmarish tale of imperialist triumph and oppression. She makes a pretty compelling case, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you about something equally horrifying from a lesser-known corner of the animated anthropomorphic train universe. Let me introduce you to Tootle, the ex-gay train.

A number of years ago, when my oldest was a tot, a relative got us this book. Because hey, there's a cute train on the cover. When we read it, the missus and I were aghast. There's some discussion in the Amazon comments about whether the book encourages conformism, which it certainly does. But it's almost impossible to read it as anything but an anti-gay allegory.

Written in 1945, "Tootle" tells the story of a young train in the town of Lower Trainswitch who has to learn how to be a big locomotive. At locomotive school, they tell the trains that the most important lesson they need to learn is "Staying on the Rails No Matter What." But Tootle is a free spirit. And one day, he's out riding, when "He looked across the meadow he was running through and saw a fine, strong black horse." The horse says "Race you to the river," and starts to run. After some description about how beautiful the horse is, Tootle decides he has to race him, so he jumps the rails and goes after him. "The race ended in a tie. Both Tootle and the black horse were happy. They stood on the bank of the river and talked. 'It's nice here in the meadow,' Tootle said."

Then Tootle goes home, feels guilty, and vows never to go off the rails again. But the next day, he's riding through the meadow again, and he sees the pretty buttercups, and decides he just has to play in them, so he goes off the rails again. This cycle of temptation, release, and silent shame keeps recurring, until the attendants at the rail yard find a daisy in his bell, and the town mayor sees Tootle chasing butterflies. Tootle has been outed.

So the whole town gets together to enact a scheme where they hide in the meadow, waiting for Tootle to go off the rails. When he does they pop up and wave red flags wherever Tootle turns. "Why did I think this meadow was such a fine place?" Tootle wails. The townsfolk cheer as he returns to the rails, his lesson learned. The book ends with Tootle telling a new crop of young trains that if they want to become a famous locomotive like him, they must "Stay on the Rails No Matter What."

So basically, Tootle gets tempted by a smoking hot horse saying, "Hey, sailor," gives in to vile temptation, undergoes some reparative therapy, and emerges happily ex-gay at the book's end.

I have no idea what the author was actually thinking -- it was 1945, after all. But I have a feeling that if Focus on the Family knew about Tootle, they'd be sending out free copies to all their members.