I'm tired of invading Iraq for oil, encouraging coups in Iran for crude, futzing around in the Middle East for petroleum. Every time we do it it's the same old map on CNN, the same old cartoons about swarthy dictators, the same old sandy landscapes. Why not be a little inventive? Which is why I'd like to be the first to advocate invading Guatemala for its precious, precious, wind. I mean, that's not really why we'll invade -- it'll be weapons of mass destruction or human rights abuses or something -- but, mmmm, 7,000 megawatts of wind power. Truly, we can't let that fall into the hands of the terrorists.
