LOUIE, LOUIE, WHOA, BABY. If you ask Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, the reason former Rep. Mark Foley hit on teenagers was specifically because Foley is gay. (In fact, you don't even have to ask Tony; he'll spout this stuff without solicitation.) If you ask Mark Foley why he hit on teenagers, he'll have his lawyer tell you it's because he was molested -- by a clergyman, no less -- when he was a teenager. If you ask House Speaker Dennis Hastert why people are so upset that he did nothing about Foley's lecherous overtures to congressional pages even though he apparently knew about it, he'll tell you it's Bill Clinton's fault -- no, wait; it's George Soros's fault. Rest easy, Brother Pierce. Now sources are telling MSNBC -- at least, that's what the "Breaking News" banner said until about a minute ago -- that frickin' Louie Freeh, the self-important former FBI director who gives puffed-up Jersey boys a bad name, won't take on Hastert's proposed investigation of the congressional page program -- and not the conduct of the speaker's office, mind you -- while Hastert is blaming "operatives aligned with former President Bill Clinton, "according to the Chicago Tribune for his woes. Could he mean Freeh, who worked for Clinton? Never mind that Louie hates Bubba. They're apparently united in a nefarious plot to unseat the speaker. (Actually, there is a plot: it's called mid-term elections.) Last night on "Nancy Grace," gay blogactivist Mike Rogers reminded viewers that, as a former high school wrestling coach, Hastert should have been sensitive to the damage Foley was poised to wreak on the lives of high-school boys. Ask Denny, and he just might tell you that someone put Mike up to it. (Do you know Mike? I wouldn't try it.) --Adele M. Stan
