Cory Booker and the Vegan Strip Club: A One-Act DM Play

To call Newark mayor and soon-to-be senator Cory Booker extroverted would be something of an understatement. If he sees you on the street, he'll shake your hand. If he meets you in the hall, he'll give you a hug. If you're snowed in, he'll shovel your walk. If your building is burning down, he'll come in and rescue you. And if you follow him on Twitter, there's a fair chance he'll follow you back, which means that the two of you can start sending direct messages (DMs) to each other. He follows over 75,000 people, which is a lot to keep up with. So it wasn't too surprising when we learned that Booker had been exchanging messages with a stripper who works at a club in Portland that bills itself as the world's first vegan strip club. Booker might have been able to tell Lynsie Lee's occupation from her profile picture, but either he didn't look or it didn't bother him.

Since DMs are private, we don't know for certain what transpired between them, besides what Buzzfeed already published. But our guess is that it went something like this:

@LynsieLee: Hey, Mayor Booker! Awesome that we're both in that Twitter documentary. Thanks for the follow. We should totes hook up some time.

@CoryBooker: Great to hear from you, Lynsie! Do you live in New Jersey? Because there's an election coming up.

@LynsieLee: I'm in Portland. You should come see me at the club where I work. It's vegan. They have awesome quinoa burritos.

@CoryBooker: Sounds terrific! Quinoa is definitely a forward-looking, innovative food of the future.

@LynsieLee: Sometimes I dance in an American flag bikini.

@CoryBooker: That's great! You mean, like, on the beach? Or just by yourself?

@LynsieLee: Private dances are extra.

@CoryBooker: I'll tell you one thing: when we all dance together, there's no limit to the change we can make.

@LynsieLee: Um, yeah, sure. Have you looked at my pictures on the web? If you come to Portland, we should get a drink together.

@CoryBooker: I don't drink, but did you know they brew Budweiser in Newark? It's awesome!

@LynsieLee: At the club, a Budweiser will run you $16. But you can pour it on my chest if you want.

@CoryBooker: Sounds like things get pretty crazy there! You know what else is crazy? That the real value of the minimum wage is lower today than it was in the 1970s.

@LynsieLee: I work mostly for tips. Shoved in my G-string. Do you understand?

@CoryBooker: I'm fighting for service economy workers like yourself, to get better wages and working conditions so everyone can share in the American Dream.

@LynsieLee: I'm beginning to think you're not quite as exciting as I originally thought.

@CoryBooker: You know what's exciting? My plan to create a 21st century manufacturing economy! You can read it on my website!

@LynsieLee: Yeah, I'll get right on that. Look, I have to go perform. IN THE NUDE. FOR MONEY.

@CoryBooker: What???

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