AND 1,774 MORE JUST LIKE THEM. Yesterday afternoon a bevy of child-bearing Republicans and their bewildered male companions convened at the Independent Women's Forum to lament the scientifically documented "patriotism gap" that is corrupting our nation's young people. The crowd laid waste to a hydrogenated red-white-and-blue cake while Myrna Blyth and Chriss Winston signed copies of their latest contribution to the conservative canon, How to Raise an American: 1776 Fun and Easy Tools, Tips, and Activities to Help Your Child Love This Country.
Winston and Blyth dismissed the preposterous claim circulated by our "Spin Sisters" -- a designation encompassing everyone from Rosie O'Donnell to Nancy Pelosi -- that American society is in fact stratified by gross structural and economic inequalities. Can you believe those freedom-haters? Myrna's most shocking revelation, gleaned from a FOX News poll: "Nearly a quarter of our young people -- the very Americans we're counting on to keep our country strong and safe, would prefer to live elsewhere." She quickly reassured us that her new book offers not one, but 1,776 ways to indoctrinate children with all the tools they need. For example, stop traffic patriotically with an Independence Day bicycle parade in your own neighborhood or brave the frontier on a covered wagon ride through one of our nation's cherished national parks.
--Mara Revkin
