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CRAZY CHENEY. At Foreign Policy's blog, Blake Hounshell muses on whether or not Dick Cheney retains the upper hand in intra-Bush administration fights over foreign policy, mentioning today's Washington Post piece about all these generals' lack of interest in the awesome new "war czar" post, due to their belief that Cheney retains the reins and is also, of course, a psychopath.
I bring this up ... as a barely-existent pretext for reposting this "Diagnostic Test" by T.A. Frank published in our April print issue:
DIAGNOSTIC TEST
Many commentators have discussed meltdowns on the part of the current vice president, and rumors of resignation are flying. For future administrations, here's a chart designed to help categorize and evaluate vice presidential meltdowns in terms of severity.
Conclusion: Based on the above information (actual findings in red), we conclude that our current vice president has come close to permanent brain damage but so far has merely suffered persistent, severe bouts of derangement.
NO MELTDOWN MINOR MELTDOWN SEVERE MELTDOWN IRREPARABLE MELTDOWN When your veep has a heated exchange with a member of opposition party, he ends by saying: "I'd prefer we ended this discussion now." "You're being a royal pain in the ass." "Go fuck yourself." [With finger pointed at opponent] "Extraordinary rendition." When your veep assesses the U.S. effort in Iraq as of 2007, he react as follows: "This is a calamity that only a major shift in strategy can possible lessen." "It's bad, but there's more hope than critics admit." "Bottom line is that we've had enormous successes and we will continue to have enormous successes." "I just bought a summer home in Tikrit." When your veep is asked why he kept the shooting of a friend hidden for over 12 hours, he answers: "I was upset and didn't think straight." "I wanted to make sure we got it [the story] as accurate as possible." "Jesus told me to do it this way." "I always keep shootings private for the first 12 hours." When an ambassador suggests in an op-ed that your veep manipulated prewar intelligence, he responds by: Issuing a denial and correcting any mistakes. Screaming incoherently and running around the room in his underwear. Outing a CIA agent and subjecting the White House to a four-year investigation and trial. Walking quietly from room to room in the West Wing and killing every living person. When your veep is asked by Wolf Blitzer about his lesbian daughter having a baby, he responds: "I'd prefer not to go into that." "You're out of line with that question." "I'm going to hurt you and your family very badly." "I'm going to shove Mary's baby up your ass."
--Sam Rosenfeld
