Following in the footsteps of Sen. Diane Feinstein's silly war on pot brownies, Sen. Chuck Schumer has been urging the FDA to ban alcoholic drinks with caffeine, such as Four Loko, saying that they encourage binge drinking. Seems like a huge waste of time to me, given the fact that it's not like the government will be able to stop you from pouring Red Bull into your vodka or Bailey's into your coffee, nor should they, but whatever.
The impending ban has consumers buying up supplies of these drinks, and last night my friend Shani Hilton gave Four Loko a taste test:
First I sniffed, then I swirled, then I sipped…and suddenly wished I had somewhere to spit. It had the bouquet of Robitussin, was at once achingly sweet, almost painfully bubbly, and coated one's mouth with a bitter aftertaste. But we soldiered on, and much like New York Assemblyman Felix Ortiz, quickly started feeling strange. Not drunk, not wired…just off.
Each of the flavors was equally disgusting*, though we found that pouring the contents of a Pixy Stix into the glass (leftover from Halloween) made things much more tolerable. I think I managed to finish about a third of a can. My friend decided returning the open cans to the fridge couldn't possible make them taste any worse.
I'm pretty sure the market can handle this one, guys.