From our December issue, the Parody by T.A. Frank:
"[Republicans] protested that the [climate change] bill'scost to the economy ... had not been fully examined. ... [Sen. GeorgeVoinovich] said an analysis by the EPA ... falls far short of what isneeded." -- AP
Dear EPA analysts,
We are disappointed in your latest analysis of the proposedclimate-change legislation. It seemed rushed, sloppy, and, frankly,passive-aggressive.
We have some major issues we'd like to see you addressproperly before we rush headlong into a rash project to taper offcarbon emissions.
1. It has come to our attention that in every carbon-dioxide molecule, there are two oxygen atoms and just one carbon atom. That's not something we've seen anywhere in this analysis. Someone has some explaining to do.
2. Rep. Michele Bachmann has pointed out that this legislation could quite easily lead to a communist dictatorship. Please revise your report to address the question of whether sufficient safeguards are in place to prevent Stalinism.
3. Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has observed that the effort to control global warming is a new Tower of Babel, with man attempting to manage his own affairs without God. In no part of your analysis do you engage with this idea. That's disrespectful.
4. Global warming has been a concern for less than three decades, and now it's rush, rush, rush. We suggest a proper and thorough focus on the facts and propose devoting 1 million American dollars to fund a 10-year study into every aspect of global warming, especially its effects on penguins, baby harp seals, and all those other great animals beloved by Democrat and Republican alike.
5. One of our ranking committee members recalls reading a comic book as a kid in which a giant "space pump" sucked water from the earth to the moon. If we can do that kind of thing, surely we can suck some intergalactic cold air into the core of the earth and have a kind of central A/C. Just a thought.
6. Sen. James Inhofe has asserted that global warming is a giant hoax. If that's true, what's all this cap-'n-trade business about? Riddle us that, EPA.
7. You left off an "e" on the word McGeehee. Please run spell check and proofread several dozen times if you want us to even consider reading this thing again in a few years.
--The Editors
