"You mother fuckers can never do it like I can do it/Don't even try, you'll look stupid, do not pursue it," raps the cookie.
Pepperidge Farm Milanos are transcendent. Their "soft-baked" chocolate chip cookies are an abomination. Similarly, Chips Ahoy are a great snack. Crisp and sweet and nostalgia-inducing. Chips Ahoy "soft" taste like someone microwaved glue. Processed foods should do their own, often delicious, thing. They shouldn't try to ape fresh foods. 
