Ta-Nehisi Coates over at The Atlantic responds to my piece on the (mis-)appropriation of Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" campaign:
I think liberals are sometimes too quick to universalize, too swift to brandish an unearned empathy. At its worse--as Arana details in his piece-- this means avoiding uncomfortable confrontations with a violent, and societal, homophobia, with vague, moist campaigns against "bullying." I don't think I've ever encountered a neater villain. Everyone has bullied, but not everyone has felt "the force of society's homophobia" bearing down on them.
I think sometimes, we should accept that we don't understand--at least not yet. There's nothing wrong with just being angered and appalled, but not quite getting the full depth of the experience.
The chasm is real. And bridges are built. not conjured.
Coates is right that that it's important to acknowledge the chasm, but I think one thing I could have said better is that this doesn't necessarily mean, as some have taken it to mean, that those who've never been bullied for being gay don't have the right to participate in the conversation or express sympathy. The support and ideas of straight allies have been invaluable to the successes of the gay-rights movement; their contributions are welcome and needed. But as Ann Friedman points out, unless sympathy for gay teens comes with a pledge to actually make things better, the promise rings hollow:
While I'm sure it helps gay teens to know there are straight Americans who care about them, those of us who don't experience discrimination based on whom we love are in no position to assure kids that their lives will get better without pledging to make equality a reality. When straight people focus solely on schoolyard bullying without acknowledging that anti-gay bigotry is pervasive in the adult world, they're essentially making the "just wait it out" argument about gay rights: Demographics are on our side, so marriage equality and nondiscriminatory policies are inevitabilities.
The message is really that gay teens need those of us who aren't in the same vulnerable position -- gay and straight alike -- to make good on the "It Gets Better" promise, which means something concrete: standing up to religious and political leaders and one's own friends and acquaintances who engender and perpetuate anti-gay prejudice. To that point, I was pleased to see that the following video, which Coates posted on his Atlantic blog today, links anti-gay bullying to the culture that fosters it:
Coates is bothered by the use of negative stats to characterize the gay community, and it makes me a bit wary, too; stats about high suicide rates and drug use among gay teens are often cited by anti-gay activists who argue that homosexuality itself -- as opposed to society -- is responsible for these things. That said, I think it's important to highlight the impact that prejudice has on gay teens, who in addition to being six to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers, are also four times as likely to be homeless -- that's tough to blame on homosexuality.
-- Gabriel Arana
