Daily Meme: Diners and the Politicians Who Love Them

by Jaime Fuller

December 17, 2013

9:05 PM

Esquire asked House Speaker John Boehner to advise its readers on what to do in January 2014. He endorsed breakfast at a diner, an act nearly as entwined with an American politician's electoral fate as legislating and making fundraising calls.
"What is it about politicians and diners?"
Who knows when, but somewhere along the line, diner-hopping became the equivalent of ice-skating in the All-American Electoral Olympics.
The sport involves saying "pie" as many times as possible in one speech (Obama's current record is 12 times)...
... endurance talking points-ing your way out of awkward conversations with people who disagree with you ...
... telling Dad jokes to as many old people gulping down soggy scrambled eggs as possible ...
... marathon hot dog photo shoots ...
... not dying from extreme cactus bread exposure ...
... avoiding the diners that have banned politicians from the premises ...
... and not running on "a platform of zombie preparedness, mandatory tooth-brushing and the promise of a pony for every American."
Oh, and make sure you leave a tip, or else instant disqualification.
Finding the diner that will make you look "most authentic" is an art in itself, especially since some of the routine culinary stops on the campaign trail are being replaced by places "more likely to serve goat cheese and shitake mushrooms."
It may be exasperating-especially when a journalist has interviewed a poor Ohio diner owner for the 15th time-but it can be a mighty entertaining spectator sport too, complete with expert in-the-field commentators.
Although you may be called out for being "r eally nuts" if you have season passes to the political diner circuit.
Diners aren't just for elections either. Some politicians prefer the booth to the boardroom.
And then others, like Boehner, save the diner for extracurricular fun. Which, to be honest, is probably the smartest move a politician could make.