According to the latest news, Senators have reached another in an endless series of agreements on the evolving immigration bill, this one providing for doubling the size of the Border Patrol and adding 700 miles of new fencing. The 700 miles of fence was on the table before, but doubling the Border Patrol is a bigger increase than had been discussed up until now. But what to call this proposal? It needs a name, one that says to wavering Republicans that if they support the bill, they're big, strong, virile, manly men whom younger women continue to find sexually compelling. OK, you may say that my interpretation is a bit strained. Maybe it is. But let's take a look:
The Senators involved—Republicans John Hoeven and Bob Corker, who have been working with Gang of 8 members Senators Chuck Schumer, Bob Menendez, John McCain, and Lindsey Graham—have dubbed it the "border surge" plan; they're preparing a Thursday announcement.
"For people who are concerned about security, once they see what is in this bill, it’s almost overkill," Tennessee Republican Sen. Bob Corker said on MSNBC's The Daily Rundown Thursday.
The additional provisions will come with a price tag. Aides estimate that the doubling of the border patrol agents—just one piece of the "border surge"—will add about $30 billion to the overall cost of the bill.
As it happens, we've already doubled the size of the border patrol in the last decade (Gabe Arana has details in his piece today). But hey, why not double it again? Republicans are OK with creating 20,000 new government jobs, so long as the people who fill them are carrying guns.
I'm not objecting. Calling it a "Border Surge" is a brilliant way to get conservatives on board. Because you know how they love surges! A surge is full of testosterone, thrusting its manliness at the problem until it submits. They might as well have called it, "Wow, you really are a real big man. No I mean it. Really." Whatever works.