These Aren't the Budget Cuts You're Looking For

The horror of mixed sci-fi metaphors.

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Along with his many accomplishments as president, Barack Obama has given liberals many reasons to be disappointed. Well it looks like we're going to have to add one to the list:

"I know that this has been some of the conventional wisdom that's been floating around Washington that somehow, even though most people agree that I'm being reasonable, that most people agree I'm presenting a fair deal. The fact that they don't take it means that I should somehow, you know, do a Jedi mindmeld with these folks and convince them to do what's right. Well, you know, they're elected. We have a constitutional system of government."

A betrayal of generations of sci-fi geeks everywhere, who thought Obama was one of them? Or a mere slip of the tongue? Probably the latter. But as everyone knows, Jedis do mind tricks, in which they convince you to do or believe something (e.g. "These aren't the droids you're looking for"), while Vulcans perform mindmelds. Obama was saying that he couldn't perform a Jedi mind trick and just get Republicans to do what he wants. But in truth, Obama's inability to perform a mindmeld may be at the root of our problems.

After all, a mindmeld is an act of extraordinary intimacy, in which the two minds become one. If Obama were to perform one with John Boehner, they would know each other's thoughts, and presumably would have no trouble arriving at a mutually agreeable solution to the sequester problem. That wouldn't enable Boehner to get his caucus to agree to the deal, but once you've done a mindmeld with someone, negotiations are superfluous.

If you think about it, five years ago Obama sold himself as someone who'd be able to mindmeld with anyone. Democrats, Republicans, independents-if he could just get together with them, everyone would see that they had more in common than they thought, and disagreements could be solved. It hasn't worked out that way, of course, mostly because of Republican intransigence. So if someone refuses to mindmeld with you, sometimes you've just got to pull out your phaser. Or your lightsaber. Whatever.

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